TRIGGER WARNING – I do more cursing than my usual one-off.
It’s the first Wednesday of the month and I’m about to let my insecurity flag fly. On March 11, 2020 the World Health Organization (WHO) declared COVID-19 a pandemic. I’ve felt ambitions derail due to the disruption of the rigorous routine I needed to maintain to get from my self imposed point A to B. I feel beat to shit from the anxiety of work and travel while conscious of the welfare of all around me, myself and my family.
To share your insecurities join Alex J. Cavanaugh’s group at https://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html.
I get discouraged, depressed, then look around at others and think to myself, “I’m a selfish asshole for having these feelings.” I have limited responsibilities compared to most. I have my job. My dog. My family is relatively healthy, and I’m lucky enough to be employed using skills I know I’m good at and not just grinding away. I have a friend that has 5 kids, and I haven’t spoken to her in forever. In all fairness the phone does work both ways. Did I mention she has FIVE KIDS? Holy shit. I’d have lost my mind by now. I’m such a dick.
February 2 question – Is there someone who supported or influenced you that perhaps isn’t around anymore? Anyone you miss?
I can try to spin my answer into a positive. I could say, “I’m very fortunate to have many brilliant influencers in my life to miss right now”, and just leave it at that. But that would be disingenuous. The truth is I’m completely deflated. I miss literary salons. I miss events at indie bookstores. I miss San Francisco not sucking. I miss being able to hangout in a public place without having to worry if the bug that kills someone’s unvaccinated granny came from me. I paid good money to see Bruce Campbell’s hysterical ass get roasted at this year’s SF Sketchfest and it got canceled. On top of it all, I feel like a complete douche for whining about that shit.
I can’t win for losing.
That’s all. Reaching out to see if anyone feels the same. Thanks guys.
The awesome co-hosts for the February 2 posting of the IWSG are Joylene Nowell Butler, Jacqui Murray, Sandra Cox, and Lee Lowery!