It’s time for author Alex J. Cavanaugh’s https://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html. Join us as we share our insecurities, frustrations and triumphs by clicking the link. Our Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and hashtag is #IWSG.

March 2 question – Have you ever been conflicted about writing a story or adding a scene to a story? How did you decide to write it or not?

A suicide here. A murder charge there. During my Interdisciplinary Arts and Writing MFA program when it came to revealing the stories of others I struggled. The stories of antagonists central to the plot of my book; a memoir of sorts. I have the news articles all sitting in a box.

I keep returning to this post and editing due to my anxiety over the details. It’s silly, but sums up how I’m feeling about my master thesis.

“She can’t be all bad. No one is.”

“Well, she comes the closest.” – Out Of The Past

These are very real events. People surviving crazy amounts of trauma. Friends. I worked it into a memoir of sorts. It morphed into an algorithm of a modern noir mystery. Growing up on Hammett, Chandler and MacDonald I write most everything in a jerky unapologetic, Johnny on the spot, call it like I see it – noir form -.

I keep telling myself, “Just put it out there. Don’t use names. So, you’ve seen some shit. You don’t need to beat readers over the head with it. They get it. They know.” That’s the problem. They know. One of the stories mentioned made national news. I’m afraid to lose friends.

“I haven’t lived a good life. I’ve been bad, worse than you can know.”

“You know that’s good, because if you actually were as innocent as you pretend to be, we’d never get anywhere.” – The Maltese Falcon

I’ve been sitting on this completed manuscript for 3 years now. I feel like a gate keeper and key holder to the details of personal struggles. My characters very real people with very real lives. The responsibility weighs on me awkward, heavy and unbalanced.

Submitted as my master thesis; this work has had eyes on it. Important ones. Fantastic writers. Author, Carolyn Cooke herself helped me render out important parts adding a rich texture and flavor combination I couldn’t have come up with on my own. I continue to sit on my pages worried if putting it out there would be “right”. I’m a nobody. Why do have anxiety over such a limited audience? It’s not about the audience. It’s the content.

I attended a workshop led by a high profile author. During workshop writers shared work and provided each other feedback. I don’t remember the quote, but essentially the author leading the group stated, “If you’re not unhappy with your work enough to try try again you won’t get it right.”

One of the writers in the salon piped up.

“I’ve never had that problem,” he said.

The author, who had read his work, looked over his eye-glasses at the writer.

“I believe you,” he said.

Have you ever been conflicted over writing a scene or sharing your work with someone other than your mentors or publisher?
The awesome co-hosts for the March 2 posting of the IWSG are Janet Alcorn, Pat Garcia, Natalie Aguirre, and Shannon Lawrence!